i feel down.....

i got home today...

supposedly i should be happy to meet my family,

but it turned out otherwise....

somehow i face more problems when i'm at home than at UIA...

before this the same thing happens and i never complained but this time i just want to express how i feel...maybe because i seldom tell people how i feel or maybe because i taught that people won't give a damn what happened to us...i kept secrets too much...

i was greeted at home by knowing that my little brother is still sick....he has a fever for about a week now....need to take care of him...buy some cool fever....bring food to him...do his choirs....litsening to all the mumblings.....

i understand how he feel because of the fever....so its ok....his my brother anyway....anyhow,i will always help and supprt him.....

then,

i just knew that my sister just got her result......and my mother said that its not that convincing...so on the way to send her to her tuition centre i took the long road and drive slowly...

just to slow talk with her....my sister is usually very secretive to me....but lately she loves to share things with me....so i asked her....how's exam??....at first she is reluctant to answer but one point she did tell me her result when i asked slowly.....well there's some improvement in the test score...but there are also failures...she is a little bit down i think...because i know she's been working very hard....she said she wanted to be a doctor...like me..

" LIKE ME "....

its very touching u know...i know my mother has very high expectation from us....she always said to my sister that she should be like your big brother....having good grade in exams....

i know, she is under a lot of stress just trying to deal with that..... but i never pressure her like that...i told her that , don't be like me but be better than me....i told her that i wanted to send her to KLIA one day...to see her further her study overseas.....Beat me!! i told her......because i know everybody is created equally...so you have the equal chance....so work hard....

i asked her what are her weakness...and it was physic, chemistry and add math...i need to find a way to help her with this subjects.....

i hope your hard work pays off....i know you've been praying very hard....well keep it on....remember the doa i taught u.....don't give up!!!!....i need to give her a bigger driving force...

Then, my father has this heart problems.....he is sick....he cannot do much things now...so sumtimes' i'm the one who's running the family... he only ate bread with tuna and sardine to control his diebetic problems...he has high cholestrol level,kidney problems,high blood pressure,and a swollen heart.....he has another appointment at IJN this coming monday...

my mother ask me to accompany him which has never been a problem...i'm very scared, because nowdays his life is very dependent to medicine....he spent almost RM700 a month for all the pills he needed....i know because i'm the one who went to the pharmacy.....the previous doctor recommended that now he should be injected with insulin because his medicine is already at the highest dosage....which is not good because he is still young....at just 47......

i'm just relieve to see all of them can afford to smile...

i have an injured knee.....its gettin worser....i wanted to tell my father but that could wait..i'm afraid that he would be worry...

i got problems too,but its okay, i've been keeping my problems all by myself before this....although sumtimes it's very painfull.....i would like to share, but don't know with whom...maybe sumtimes i'm also afraid that i will burden others if i shared with them...

YA ALLAH,bantulah kami....